Parenting Skills – Poppa University

When a relationship ends, there are usually real reasons. Pain. Disappointment. Betrayal. Injury. Forgiving does not mean ignoring those things. It doesn’t even mean friendship is required.

But when children are involved, some level of forgiveness is often necessary for the family to heal. Why? Because the lack of forgiveness between parents never stays neatly between parents. Children feel it. They hear it in the tone, and they see it in body language. They pick up on tension, delayed responses, and sharp comments, and understand that their peace is always fragile.

by Dr. Matisa Wilbon, Co-Chair, Moynihan Institute for Fatherhood Research and Policy

There is a real difference between remembering the past and living stuck in it.

A lot of families never fully move beyond the breakup. Time passes. Schedules get set. New routines are created. People learn how to function. But emotionally, everyone is still standing in the middle of what happened.

Old betrayals keep showing up in new conversations. Every disagreement becomes about more than the moment. Co-parenting gets filtered through unresolved pain rather than grounded in what the children need right now.

But families that heal come to understand something important: If there is going to be a healthier future, the past cannot be allowed to drive everything.

This is where forgiveness matters.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending the breakup did not hurt. It does not mean denying what was lost or skipping over the truth. It means saying, “Yes, this mattered. Yes, this hurt. Yes, this changed us. But it will not control every conversation, relationship, and possibility still in front of us.”

Forgiveness means refusing to let what happened define what comes next:

For children, forgiving the past can mean learning that love still exists in a family that looks different from what they expected. It can mean understanding that their parents’ breakup doesn’t mean their future is to be broken, too.
For parents, forgiving the past can mean no longer letting old wounds justify present-day dysfunction. It can mean choosing to co-parent with maturity, even when the relationship could not be saved. It can mean accepting that while the partnership ended, the responsibility to protect a child’s emotional well-being did not.

Why Parents Have to Forgive Themselves

In separated families, children are not the only ones carrying pain. Parents carry it, too.

Fathers often carry regret about moments they missed and the times they shut down or were angry, distracted, absent, or emotionally unavailable. Mothers may carry guilt about decisions they made while trying to survive, the seasons they were overwhelmed, or the ways their own hurt spilled into their parenting.

Both parents may look back and wonder how things might have been different if they had made different choices. And if this regret is left unaddressed, it becomes a barrier.

Parents who have not forgiven themselves often parent from shame instead of steadiness. Shame makes people reactive, defensive, and withdrawn. It can convince a father that it is too late to repair the relationship with his child. Responding from a place of unresolved hurt can push a mother into overcompensating or controlling.

Regret can keep both parents stuck in survival mode when what their children need is stability. Children don’t need parents who are consumed by self-condemnation. They need parents who are willing to grow.

Self-forgiveness isn’t about avoiding responsibility. It’s not pretending no harm was done. It’s not letting yourself off the hook. Real self-forgiveness starts with truth. It says,

“I made mistakes.”
“There are things I wish I had done differently.”
“I cannot go back and undo the past, but I can choose to move differently now.”

This kind of self-forgiveness helps parents stay emotionally available in the present. It makes room for real apologies. It makes it easier to listen without collapsing into guilt, and it shifts the focus from defending yourself to showing up better for your children.

Why Parents Have to Forgive Each Other

This is often the hardest part.

When a relationship ends, there are usually real reasons. Pain. Disappointment. Betrayal. Injury. Forgiving does not mean ignoring those things. It doesn’t even mean friendship is required.

But when children are involved, some level of forgiveness is often necessary for the family to heal. Why? Because the lack of forgiveness between parents never stays neatly between parents. Children feel it. They hear it in the tone, and they see it in body language. They pick up on tension, delayed responses, and sharp comments, and understand that their peace is always fragile.

When parents stay locked in bitterness, children often end up living in the emotional aftermath of a conflict they did not create. But when parents do the hard work of letting go of constant resentment, setting healthy boundaries, and choosing cooperation over conflict, children experience emotional safety and consistency. They experience the relief of not having to carry adult tension on their backs.

Forgiveness between co-parents doesn’t rewrite history; it just refuses to use history as a weapon against the present or future.

Forgiveness says,

“We may not be together, but we can still choose peace.”
“We may not agree on everything, but we can still give our child stability.”
“We may never erase what happened, but we can stop making our child relive it.”

A Family After Breakup Can Still Be Healed and Healthy

This is something more families need to hear: Healing, health, and hope do not end when a relationship does. A family can change shape and still hold love. A home can exist across two households and still feel emotionally secure. Children can come from separated parents and still grow up supported, stable, and deeply loved.

But none of this happens by accident. It takes work:

It takes parents who are willing to deal with their own pain instead of handing it to their children.
It takes fathers who stay present, accountable, and emotionally connected.
It takes mothers who protect their children’s hearts without poisoning them against their father.
It takes co-parents who are willing to choose what is beneficial over what is bitter.
It takes children being given room to feel what they feel, to grieve what they have lost, to ask hard questions, and to heal in their own time.

And yes, it takes forgiveness, not as a one-time conversation but as an ongoing practice.

What does this look like? Sometimes, forgiveness looks like:

Refusing to bring old wounds into every new disagreement
Choosing your words carefully in front of your children
Learning how to apologize without excuses
Respecting boundaries without feeding hostility
Getting counseling, leaning on community, or seeking spiritual support when the pain is too heavy to carry alone.

Healing doesn’t happen just because time passes. It happens when people decide to do the work.

An Invitation to Choose Healing

“Forgive Mom and Dad Day,” observed every year on March 18, inspired this post and its invitation to stop ignoring pain, to refuse to let it have the final word.

For children, forgiveness may mean releasing resentment little by little, not because the hurt was small, but because their future is too important to stay trapped in the past.

For fathers and mothers, it may mean forgiving themselves so they can parent from a place of growth rather than guilt.

For co-parents, it may mean forgiving each other enough to create a healthier path forward for the children they still share.

Forgiveness doesn’t rebuild a family overnight, and it doesn’t erase consequences.

Forgiveness doesn’t make healing clean or easy, but it does make healing possible.

My hope is that you will also be inspired by “Forgive Mom and Dad Day” to find courage and do the hard work forgiveness requires. In doing so, I hope you discover that while the past may always be part of your family’s story, it doesn’t have to be the part that leads.

We want to move co-parenting out of the category of “something you hope works out” and into the category of “a set of learnable skills.” We also want to be honest about what usually goes wrong. It’s not always that people are cruel. Often, they are underdeveloped for the complexity they’ve been handed.

By Kenneth Braswell, CEO, Fathers Incorporated

Co-parenting maturity is the quiet difference between a child who grows up having to interpret tension and a child who grows up protected from it. It is the difference between “We can’t stand each other” and “We will not let our issues become our child’s atmosphere.”

At Fathers Incorporated (FI), we’ve learned to care far more about the co-parenting relationship than the romantic one. Romance can fade, restart, or end completely. However, once a child is born, co-parenting requires a lifelong connection. Romantic love may be optional, but responsibility is not. And that responsibility requires a particular kind of grown-up. Not a perfect parent. A mature one.

FI defines co-parenting the way we teach it in our Gentle Warriors Academy (GWA): It’s the level of conflict, cooperation, and support between two parents, regardless of the romantic status of the relationship.

This definition matters because it tells the truth without insulting anyone. It acknowledges that many parents are not together, may never be together again, and still must build a functional “parenting team” that can handle real-life decisions about daycare, school, medical care, faith, culture, discipline, schedules, transportation, money, and more.

When co-parenting maturity is low, the child becomes the messenger, the referee, and the emotional shock absorber. When co-parenting maturity is high, the child gets to be a child.

This is why we’re building “Dad and Company: Strengthening the Parenting Team.” We want to move co-parenting out of the category of “something you hope works out” and into the category of “a set of learnable skills.” We also want to be honest about what usually goes wrong. It’s not always that people are cruel. Often, they are underdeveloped for the complexity they’ve been handed.

Research has been telling us for years that the early season after a child’s birth is filled with hope and connection, even for unmarried parents. In the Fragile Families research, large shares of unmarried parents report being romantically involved at the time of birth, a kind of early optimism that gives families a real window for strengthening the parenting alliance before relationship instability surfaces. However, we know that many of these relationships shift over time, with unions dissolving at high rates by the child’s fifth birthday. This isn’t a reason for shame but for strategy.

If we know that many couples will fall out of love, the smartest thing we can do is build co-parenting maturity early, while goodwill still exists, while routines are still forming, while a father’s desire to be present is still fresh, and while a mother is still learning what kind of father she can trust him to be. This window of opportunity can’t exist on autopilot. It has to be optimized intentionally.

Co-parenting maturity is not a vibe. It’s behavior: emotional regulation in conflict, discipline in communication, and consistency in follow-through. It’s a parent who can hear something difficult without choosing warfare. It’s a parent who protects the child from adult pain.

And yes, co-parenting style is shaped by personal history. The way a child’s parents were parented matters. The models they saw matter. Their experiences with abandonment, betrayal, poverty, incarceration, child support, and family court all shape how they interpret disrespect and danger. FI’s own research has shown how strained or hostile co-parenting relationships can deter a father’s involvement, especially when the parents are no longer romantically involved.

So the question becomes practical: How do we gauge co-parenting maturity up front, and how do we build it?

Here are three assessment indicators that reveal early on whether a co-parenting relationship has the maturity to establish and sustain peace.

1. Do the co-parents practice child-first decision-making, even when under stress?

Mature co-parenting is tested most when things get tense. Anybody can be agreeable when life is easy. The test is what happens when parents are tired, broke, triggered, dating someone new, or feeling disrespected.

A mature parenting team can answer this question without hesitation: “Which choice protects our child’s stability, not our pride?” It sounds simple, but it requires discipline. It means parents do not make major decisions as revenge. They do not use access, money, schedules, or information as weapons. They do not negotiate with an eye toward punishing one another.

A quick way to assess the presence or absence of child-first decision-making skills is to listen to language. When parents say, “I’m going to make sure…” with the goal of hurting the other parent, the parenting team is not mature yet. But parents who say, “We need to figure out what’s best for the child and how we can both support it,” signal their co-parenting maturity.

2. Do the co-parents repair capacity after conflict?

All co-parents will have conflict. The question is whether they also have repair. Mature co-parenting is not the absence of disagreement but the ability to resolve it without collateral damage.

Repair requires humility. It requires a willingness to say: “I came in too hot. I misunderstood you. I should have told you earlier. I see how that landed. Let’s reset.”

This is not weakness. This is leadership. FI’s work consistently emphasizes communication practices that reduce conflict and keep conversations productive: planning ahead, choosing the right time, using “I” statements, listening actively, and staying focused on the issue rather than the history.

If a co-parenting relationship has no repair, then every disagreement becomes a new layer of resentment. That resentment becomes a climate felt by children, even when nobody speaks it.

3. Is there reliability and trust in the co-parenting relationship?

Maturity is proven in the everyday. The strength of the parenting team is measured by its reliability.

Trust is not built through speeches but when a parent does what they said they would do: on-time pick-ups, honest updates, consistent routines, clear boundaries, and respect for agreements. Trust grows when one parent can say: “Even when we disagree, I know you’re not going to play with my child’s emotions.”

If there is chronic unreliability, constant last-minute changes, or repeated broken commitments with no accountability, the parenting team is fragile. Not because people are evil, but because the structure is unstable.

Tips for Mature Co-Parenting

None of these indicators is meant to label a parent as “good” or “bad.” They are meant to tell the truth about readiness. Co-parenting maturity is a skill set that can be developed.

So how do parents get there?

Start with a shared parenting purpose statement.

Before schedules, money, or new partners enter the conversation, parents need one sentence they both agree to protect. This can be something like: “Our child deserves consistency, respect, and peace from both homes, and we will not use our child as a tool in our conflict.” When parents can’t agree on anything else, they can return to their purpose statement.

Create a communication protocol that limits damage.

Most co-parenting conflict is not about any particular issue. It’s about the approach. Parents argue in the worst ways: sarcasm, late-night texts, passive aggression, vague accusations, or public embarrassment. This is immaturity expressing itself.

Mature co-parents agree on basic guardrails for communication:

A single channel for child-related communication
A reasonable response time
A boundary against insults and name-calling
A commitment to confirm plans in writing
A rule that the child never carries messages

This aligns with the practical strategies FI has offered for years:

Listen objectively.
Communicate with empathy.
Be compassionate.
Stop petty disagreements.
Stop making decisions independently.
Stop involving family and friends in the conflict.

Build emotional regulation as a parenting skill.

Many adults have never been taught how to stay calm in difficult conversations. They were taught how to win, dominate, withdraw, or explode. Co-parenting maturity requires each parent to control their emotions. Not silence. Control.

If co-parents can’t talk without escalating, they’re not ready for joint decision-making without proper support (coaching, tools, and practice).

This is one reason Fathers Incorporated’s programming pairs education with supportive services. Data captured in our GWA model show that, with these supports, fathers’ well-being as parents improved significantly, even when other parenting and co-parenting measures were slower to shift. That matters because regulated parents make better decisions.

Define the role of the support team before the support team defines you.

Friends and family can be helpful, but unmanaged influence becomes gasoline. Too many co-parenting relationships collapse because third parties become decision makers, emotional amplifiers, or constant commentators.

Mature co-parenting means the support team supports, but does not steer. Parents must work together to set boundaries, such as:

No disparaging the other parent in front of the child.
No using relatives as messengers.
No allowing new partners to become voices of discipline or conflict.
No “group chat parenting” where every disagreement becomes a public trial.

A child should never feel like their life is being voted on by adults.

Put safety first, without exception.

Any conversation about maturity must be clear about safety. FI’s work here has been consistent: The safety of individual family members is paramount, and violence is never acceptable as a way to control, coerce, punish, retaliate, or handle conflict.

Co-parenting maturity does not mean staying connected to danger. It does not mean “working it out” in situations involving coercion, abuse, intimidation, or violence. A parenting plan must protect survivors and children. A child’s stability should never be purchased with anyone’s safety.

This is part of what makes Dad and Company necessary. We built our training modules for the real world, not the fantasy world. Our curriculum assumes parents will face conflict. It assumes transitions will happen. It assumes emotions will run high. And then it trains fathers and their support circles to lead anyway.

Co-parenting maturity is leadership. It is the ability to say: “I will not let my anger set the temperature in my child’s life. I will not let my pride become my child’s burden. I can be hurt and still be responsible.”

And when this maturity is present, something powerful happens. Fathers stay involved longer. Mothers experience less stress. Children experience fewer loyalty binds. The parenting team becomes a protective factor, even when the romance is gone.

Dad and Company is our bet on that future.

One last thought: Many parents treat co-parenting like a mood that comes and goes. Mature parents treat it like a craft. A craft you practice. A craft you train for. A craft you do on purpose.

Georgia, like much of the nation, has worked hard to build systems that compel fathers’ financial responsibility. Yet the research keeps telling us what families already know. When courts and agencies help fathers secure safe, structured parenting time, children gain stability, parents reduce conflict, and child support outcomes improve.

Parenting time is not a sentimental add-on to the “real” work of family court. It is the architecture that holds the whole structure up.

By Kenneth Braswell, CEO, Fathers Incorporated

“Focus on making memories, not just spending money. What your children really want is you, your time, your presence.” Offered by Judge LaTisha Wright-Hill in partnership with Fathers Incorporated (FI), these words land like a gavel on the heart because they name what our family courts wrestle with every day: the difference between enforcement and engagement, the distance between payment and parent.

Georgia, like much of the nation, has worked hard to build systems that compel fathers’ financial responsibility. Yet the research keeps telling us what families already know. When courts and agencies help fathers secure safe, structured parenting time, children gain stability, parents reduce conflict, and child support outcomes improve.

Parenting time is not a sentimental add-on to the “real” work of family court. It is the architecture that holds the whole structure up.

A recent fatherhood policy report from the Fatherhood Research and Practice Network (FRPN) shows why this matters now. Their findings describe parenting time and child support as “inextricably connected,” citing research showing that noncustodial fathers with parenting time are more likely to pay child support, while the absence of parenting time can contribute to nonpayment. One study cited in the FRPN review found that in 2015, 72% of nonresident fathers had no legal visitation agreement, leaving contact with their children informal, inconsistent, and vulnerable to conflict. If family court is the place where stability should be built, these numbers read like a blueprint for instability.

The policy gap is not accidental. Federal Title IV-D child support services do not include parenting time, and the largest, most consistent funding stream for child support agencies is not designed to pay for the relationship-building supports that help parents craft durable parenting plans. Another FRPN finding sharpens the point: The majority of child support orders for unmarried parents are established “without consideration of parenting time,” which means we often build the financial order first and try to patch the family arrangement later. The result is predictable. Parents resent the process. Fathers disengage. Mothers carry the burden alone. Children absorb the consequences.

Georgia’s own policy profile underscores the stakes. In FRPN’s state-by-state assessment of parenting time adjustments in child support guidelines, Georgia receives an “F” and is described as having no formula to adjust support based on parenting time. When the system treats time as irrelevant, it should not surprise us that parents treat the system as unfair.

Even more telling is how Georgia invests the resources specifically intended to help families reach parenting time agreements. FRPN’s scan of Access and Visitation spending shows that Georgia allocated 0% to mediation and 0% to parenting plan development, while directing 56.6% to parent education and 9.2% to supervised visitation or neutral drop-off. Education matters, but education without agreement is like teaching someone to drive while never handing them the keys. Family courts and policymakers should look hard at that allocation, because mediation and parenting plan development convert conflict into structure.

That brings us to the human reality behind the percentages. FI’s Georgia legitimation brief offers a sobering figure: As of the end of 2020, 558,742 children in Georgia had been born without a legal father since 2010.

This isn’t a question of whether fathers exist. It’s a question of whether the law recognizes them. FI states it plainly: “There is no such thing as a fatherless child… The question isn’t if he exists. The question is where he exists.”

In most of the country, paternity and legitimation are addressed together, but in Georgia, they are treated as separate legal actions. A father may establish paternity and support his child financially, yet still lack legal rights until he completes a separate legitimation process.

FI illustrates how high the stakes can be with a scenario that feels extreme until you realize it is legally plausible: A father who has supported his child through child support for years cannot make medical decisions until he takes additional legal action for legitimation. The emotional consequence of this is captured in a father’s voice from that same Georgia legitimation brief: “If we know that’s my baby and my name is on the birth certificate, why do I have to go through the legitimization process… Makes me pay more money that we barely have.”

Family court hears versions of this frustration every day, sometimes expressed as anger, sometimes as withdrawal, sometimes as silence. The real danger is what happens when families stop believing the court can produce a fair outcome.

Courts already have evidence of what can help. FRPN’s review points to evaluations showing that parenting time mediation or facilitation can increase agreement-making, improve child support payments and parent-child contact, and reduce conflict. Courts are not only adjudicators. They are designers of process. When process is designed to produce agreements, families do better than when process is designed only to punish noncompliance.

Georgia also has a proven local example of a court-centered pathway that treats accountability and relationship as partners, not enemies. The Fathers Incorporated 2024 Impact Report describes a partnership with Clayton County Juvenile Court’s Abandonment Court, which offers fathers an alternative to arrest for child support nonpayment, through fatherhood education and support.

One father, Devonte Perkins, describes what this kind of court-linked intervention can change: “This class opened my eyes. It took my mind off all the external stuff, and it got a chip off my shoulder. It helped me get rid of that grudge and anger.” When a court’s response helps a father lay down anger, the beneficiaries are not only the father. The beneficiaries are the children who will receive his steadier presence.

Presence, however, must always be safe. FI’s Beyond Silence and Violence brief makes a point that family court professionals recognize instinctively: Child well-being, family stability, and positive parental involvement are diminished when domestic violence affects a family. Responsible fatherhood work and court practice must share one bedrock principle: Parenting time should be structured in ways that protect victims, prevent harm, and support healthy, nurturing participation in family life.

The measure is not contact at any cost. The measure is safe, consistent, child-centered connection.

Necessary Family Court Reforms in Georgia

So what does this mean for family court policy and practice in Georgia?

Pair child support and parenting plans. / Georgia family courts must treat parenting time as a compliance strategy, not a concession. FRPN’s findings make the case that time and payment move together. When fathers have a clear, enforceable path to parenting time, they are more likely to support their children financially. Courts can align financial orders with parenting plans, rather than building one without the other.
Invest in mediation and parenting plan development. / Georgia must invest in services that transform conflict into agreement. The state’s current spending pattern for Access and Visitation leaves mediation and parenting plan development unfunded. This is a fixable policy choice. Mediation does not erase disputes. It gives disputes an architecture so children are not forced to live inside them.
Reform legitimation. / FI believes there’s wisdom in streamlining legal standing for fathers so the court can address the real problem. Georgia’s separate legitimation process delays clarity and can discourage engagement. We recommend legitimation reforms that would determine legitimation at the same time paternity is established and allow fathers with established paternity to request parenting time and custody.
Offer navigation. / Georgia must make court-connected navigation normal, not exceptional. Through Gentle Warriors Academy and its “Fatherhood Is Brotherhood” work, FI teaches fathers about legitimation, offers free legitimation services, and publishes resources like “Legitimation in the State of Georgia: A Comprehensive Guide for Unmarried Fathers” and a “Navigating Family Court” guide. Courts can strengthen outcomes by referring fathers early to credible navigators, legal providers, and mediation supports before frustration hardens into disengagement.
Understand what families are seeking. / FI’s fatherhood program experience shows that fathers consistently seek help with legitimation, child support, parenting time, and family legal services. This is not a request for shortcuts. It is a request for a pathway.

How Fathers Can Secure Parenting Time

The pathway to parenting time can begin with practical steps that many unmarried fathers can take today.

Establish paternity as early as possible, then learn whether legitimation is required for legal rights in your state. In Georgia, for example, paternity does not automatically create legitimation, and legitimation must be pursued through separate legal action.
File for legitimation and request parenting time. Once a legitimation petition is filed and granted by a judge, a father can spend time with his children without being denied access by the child’s other legal guardian.
Use mediation or parenting plan services when possible. FRPN describes Access and Visitation as a primary funding stream for services such as mediation, supervised visitation, and parenting education, and it notes that courts are a major referral source for these services.
Build a record of consistent engagement. Courts look for patterns that support a child’s stability: attending parenting classes, showing up, communicating respectfully, and following temporary orders.
Seek navigation support from trusted local providers. Fatherhood programs like FI’s Gentle Warriors Academy connect fathers to legal providers, mediation services, and pro bono attorneys as part of helping fathers navigate the justice system.

Family court cannot solve every family conflict. Yet courts can choose what kind of outcomes their processes make most likely. A system that enforces payments without building parenting time invites resentment and disengagement. A system that builds safe parenting time alongside accountability invites stability.

Judge Wright-Hill’s words are not a slogan. They are a policy thesis. The goal is not only that children receive support. The goal is that children receive their parent.

By Dr. Janice Kelly and Kenneth Braswell

Last month was the finale of ‘Everybody Hates Chris,’ as I reflect back we realized that Julius Rock played by Terry Crews reminded me of a familiar TV character from my youth, James Evans the father on Good Times (played by John Amos). Before we identify the differences between the two characters in terms of parenting style, we want to explain why we said it is the end of a TV character. Since the 1950s we had a number of working class fathers on television, but as the years went on we saw less and less images on television of the working class father who played the strong, hard-working, determined and dignified character.

Frequently blue collar fathers on television are seen as incompetent or as buffoons. Both James Evans and Julius Rock were not the prototypical working class fathers on family situational comedy. These fathers were anything but inept, rarely were they the center of the humor or acted as if they were one of the children. No, these two fathers bought dignity to the working class father. This is not to say that the shows did not have their share of humor, they did, but the fathers were not concern with making their audience laugh. One might hesitate to say that about the fathers on The House of Payne, The Browns, Family Guy or The Simpsons.

Image of Working Class Fathers

For the past 50 years, the entertainment industry has tarnished the image of working class fathers and some media critics have said this was intentionally done so that TV viewers would subconsciously strive for middle class values and occupations. Yet, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics 45% of Americans are working class and as the middle class continues to shrink we will see more families identified under this label. 16.9% of African-Americans and 17.92 of Hispanic families are unemployed so to see a father trying to struggle for employment as James Evans did or watch Julius work at times work two jobs isn’t a stretch of the imagination. 34% of Americans are finding the need to work a second part-time job in order to make ends meet.

These fathers showed their concern for the survival and stability of their families as well as real frustration of trying to remain employed or seeking out employment. These shows made us understand the struggles of our urban fathers better as they came home from being emotionally abused by the system. James Evans so clearly expressed these pains of masculine pride in a number of his episodes. Even Julius was often concerned with how he was going to pay his bills with just one job. Many working class fathers; and we might add; mothers find themselves having to compensate by adding on paper routes (for example).

There were some downsides to these characters as well, as you seldom saw them laugh and in more times than not, they walked around with a frown in comparison to middle class fathers like Damon Wayne’s character (Michael Kyle, “My Wife and Kids”) who seem to have more reason to laugh on the show.

The Parenting Style

But what distinguished James Evans from Julius Rock are their parenting styles. In the 1970s, it was the norm to see a character like James Evans who used authoritarian style of parenting. He expected absolute obedience and rules were non-negotiable. His children knew they had to obey him; evident by his famous line “because I say so.” He was the breadwinner and disciplinarian. Remember; all Mr. Evans had to do was grab or touch is belt and the children knew he meant business.

But this is not the case for Julius Rock, the gentle giant. His fathering style was a blend of democratic and authoritarian styles. Yes, he believed in enforcing the rules, but there was warmth and sensitivity behind his decisions. His voice was gentle most of the time and he explained the reasons for the punishment indicating the complexity and evolution of the blue collar Dad.

There is a lot to learn from these similar, yet contrasting urban fathers. Reasons that media and the broader public must find ways to honor and celebrate. As Terry Crews (aka Julius Rock) goes on to play a different type of dad on his new family show “Are We There Yet?” We celebrate and applaud his contribution to the new working class urban father. This new role is slightly different where he plays a somewhat goofy stepfather; we understand we can’t expect every show depicting fatherhood in urban families to be serious and stern. But we must always be mindful of who will be the next dignifying working class father representing fatherless families through the lenses of television?

About the Authors

Dr. Janice Kelly is an assistant professor of communication and family research. Her research on A Comparison of Prime-Time Situation Comedy Fathers and Real-Fathers on Involvement, Communication and Affection has appeared in USA Today, Big Apple Parenting Magazine and other family-oriented conferences. She is the co-producer along with N.Y.S. Fatherhood Initiative of the documentary “Perceptions of Fathers in the Media: In Search of the Ideal Father.”

Mr. Kenneth Braswell is the author of “When the Tear Won’t Fall” One Man’s Journey through the Intimate Struggle of Manhood and Fatherhood. He is also a national expert and sought after speaker in the field of Responsible Fatherhood, Mentoring, Parenting, Spirituality, Motivation/Self Improvement and Community Development. Mr. Braswell as appeared in Essence, Gospel Today, Capital District Parent Pages, Times Union and several other media outlets.